everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
