It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
