NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
