my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
