i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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