Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
