We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
