My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
