my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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