He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
