You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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