I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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