I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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