3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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