She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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