in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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