I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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