what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
