Your face is a jimmy john
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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