is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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