I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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