Apparently you make a good broom.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
