Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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