He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think my vagina is haunted
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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