youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
