So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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