yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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