omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
