When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
