Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
