Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
