do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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