The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
