Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
