I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
