I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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