so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize