If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
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I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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