it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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