you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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