Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize