i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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