You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
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We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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