So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
