How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
