he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
