then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
