dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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