Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
