My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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