a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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