I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize