I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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