I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
