____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
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If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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