and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
