shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
