doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
