i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
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So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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