did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize